Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
being pregnant is like rehab
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
