i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
