Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
