Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
