She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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