Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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