youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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