I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
