He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
