Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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