At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm always down for nudity.
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