I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
