loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
