I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize