Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I love you.
Bad choice
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
