I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
