He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
