at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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