Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
