I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just found puke in my bra..
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
