im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
