i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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