Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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