WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
