Apparently you make a good broom.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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