I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
