I think my vagina is haunted
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Randomize
