Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
