His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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