I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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