Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
