Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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