Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Send help, water and tortillas.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
