Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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