no, he came in my armpit
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
