Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize