tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
