sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
