It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Such a big mess for such a small penis
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You did what with his pubic hair?
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