How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Randomize
