I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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