I smell stomach acid.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
