Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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