Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
