Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
