i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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