Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
