A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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