remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
