just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
