what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
