Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point đź’ś
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize