wakey wakey hands off snakey
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
