So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize