If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
