there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
