i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
