I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
