sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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