I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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