My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize