Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
