My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
