My balls are so social today.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
then he tried to convert me to islam
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
