there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
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