I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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