Jerry, you need to find god
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
