Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
