Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
